Mon 30 Apr 2007
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Tue 24 Apr 2007
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Is She Cheating? - Many Unsuspecting Husbands Find Out Too Lateby: Ruth Houston
Couples therapists report a 50% increase in female infidelity. The cover story in the current issue of Newsweek magazine is all about cheating wives: The New Infidelity From Office Affairs to Internet Hook-Ups, More Wives Are Cheating Too. Yet, as widespread as female infidelity has become, many unsuspecting husbands have no idea their wives are having an affair. They often find themselves in a situation like David in the Newsweek article, who found out his wife was cheating the day she told him she wanted a divorce. Unsuspecting husbands are often surprised when they learn about a cheating wife s extramarital affair. But, the stark reality is that if a husband isn t familiar with the signs of infidelity, by the time he finds out his wife is cheating, it s usually too late.
Women Don t Become Cheaters Overnight
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Yet many of the signs may have been there all along. A woman doesn t become a cheating wife overnight. Infidelity develops in stages. In almost every case, there are numerous telltale signs along the way. In fact, many of the warning signs of impending infidelity are evident long before the physical act of infidelity actually takes place.Know How to Spot the Telltale Signs
The husband who knows how to spot the signs of infidelity has a fighting chance to save his marriage. He won t end up like John LeSage in the Newsweek article who was devastated when he came home one day and found that his wife of 24 years had disappeared. John said, I would have done a lot things differently, but I never got the chance. This loving, but unsuspecting husband never knew his marriage was in jeopardy because he was unfamiliar with the warning signs.
Identifying the Problem
The first step in solving a problem is knowing that the problem exists. There are certain telltale signs that serve as a wake-up call that a marriage is in trouble. A husband doesn t need to hire a private detective or invest in sophisticated surveillance equipment to find out if his wife is having an affair. If he knows what to look for, all he needs are his eyes, his ears and his personal knowledge of his wife. Knowing what to look for is the key.
21 Categories of Telltale Signs
There are 21 categories of telltale signs, with numerous signs in each category. Of course, no can be expected to know them all. That s why it makes sense to invest in a relationship reference book like Is He Cheating on You? in order to become more knowledgeable about the warning signs. After all, most families have a medical reference book in their home to alert them to the signs and symptoms of health and medical problems. The same thing applies to marital problems like infidelity.
Universal Telltale Signs
Some of the signs of infidelity documented in Is He Cheating on You? 829 Telltale Signs apply exclusively to cheating men. But many of the signs are universal and apply to both cheating husbands and cheating wives. Additional information about infidelity can be found at www.IsHeCheatingOnYou.com. Although the website is primarily directed to women, about a third of the e-mails received come from men seeking advice about various telltale signs.
So What Should a Husband Do?
With infidelity affecting 80% of all marriages, the husband who values his marriage would do well to become familiar with the warning signs. He should always strive to be aware of his wife s feelings and keep abreast of the things that are going on in her life. It s not about being overly suspicious. It s about keeping a finger on the pulse of his marriage. Forewarned is forearmed. This way, he ll be equipped to recognize even the most subtle telltale signs. The future of his marriage may well depend on his ability to spot those telltale signs in time.
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© Ruth Houston 2004 All rights reserved.O.K. Your exquisite drive to scrutinize more would be rewarded further. Get an added advantage by taking a look at this further.
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About The Author Ruth Houston is the author of Is He Cheating on You? 829 Telltale Signs . Her lifestyle and relationship articles have appeared in major magazines for the past 20 years. For more information about the book, infidelity or cheating spouses, visit http://www.IsHeCheatingOnYou.com |
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Mon 23 Apr 2007
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Release Your Agression In Your DIARY OF EMOTIONSby: Jay Ball
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In order for you to make positive ground daily you need an avenue of escapism that allows you to shed the emotional baggage that we all carry around with us. The largest and indeed the most dangerous aspect of failure is your emotional status.
There are always going to be people who you dislike or disagree with over some issue that is important to you. It may well be your boss that you hold a pretence relationship with just to keep the rest of the office happy. You may well have a family member that really bugs you from time to time yet you still have no choice but to tolerate them regardless of how this individual makes you feel inside.
You are bound to come across doubters and pessimists on your journey through life and these are the worst sort of people you can surround yourself with unless you have a strong sense of belief and confidence in your future potential.
What normally happens in these negative situations is your self-esteem is lowed by the pressure of others and how they make you feel. The result of low self-esteem strongly jeopardises your chances of taking control of your future.
All of us have had unpleasant experiences and situations that we have had to deal with on a daily basis. Many of us have been subjected to bad surrounding, but no matter what the environment, there comes a time when you have deal with it.
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In order to escape the people who bug you I want you to purchase and begin a DIARY OF EMOTIONS which is simply a page-a-day diary dedicated to your emotional state of mind.
The quickest and most positive way of channeling your emotions is to write them down. Instead of bottling up your emotions inside until they overflow in an uncontrolled explosion (or in severe cases an emotional breakdown) I want you to deal with them daily by writing down exactly how you feel in your DIARY OF EMOTIONS. When you re totally hacked off with someone at work, or you feel suppressed by your environment I want you to let fly in your D.O.E and write down how you feel at that moment in time. Let all of your negative emotions flow out of your pen however they comes out!
You ll be astounded how cleansed you feel after you ve let rip in your D.O.E. By simply letting all of the pain, frustration and pent up anger out of yourself on a daily basis you ll be amazed at how confident and strong you will feel. Your self-esteem levels will be raised and you ll feel strong and confident to deal with the more positive aspects of your life. How you see the world and how you fit in will be clearly defined as your brain will be free of stress and frustration.
I cannot tell you how many people I have met who have become helpless victims of their environments. Why? They either became too afraid of opening themselves up or they simply allowed their unresolved issues to consume them, keeping it all bottled up inside. The problem of dealing with their problematic situation became too much for them and through their own choice, they were destined to live a joyless life. The sad reality is that if these tormented folk could have confronted their problems much earlier they would have seen the situation for what it was , rather than what they thought it was. Please don t let your daily environment consume all hope of a happy and prosperous future. Take control today of your emotions by tackling them head on in the pages of you DIARY OF EMOTIONS.
These ideas have been taken from Jay Ball s brilliant 10 simple seeds to success 334 page paperback book, 12- hour CD course, and 334-page e-book.
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About The Author Ah. Was the write-up till now according to your taste? I believe it was. If you want, we can provide you with many write-ups on family. Continue your exploration to explore more because towards the conclusion you’ll notice other sources on family. Jay Ball is a recognised Success Mentor in the UK. His visions and inspirations have helped many accomplish amazing results. Jay Ball is the author of ‘10 simple seeds to success’ and ‘Believe & Achieve’ Check out his website and download over 8 hours of FREE self-development seminars! www.successacademy.co.uk |
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Wed 18 Apr 2007
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Mindfulness and Panic: Ask Your Anxietyby: Maya Talisman Frost
Panic.
Heart racing. Palms sweating. Breathing rapid and shallow. Mouth dry. Knees knocking.
Whether it’s a pop quiz, a job interview, a spider, an impromptu speech, a crowded elevator, a dirty restroom, the view from a cliff, a shot at the clinic, a flight across the ocean, a first kiss, or a trip to a crowded shopping center, we all have something that fills us with panic. In severe cases, we can develop anxiety disorders in which panic attacks occur at seemingly random moments.
Whether you have a case of the pre-speech jitters or a full-blown panic attack, the physical symptoms are easily recognized. However, what we need to see clearly are the thoughts going through our mind whenever we feel anxious.
No matter what triggers your personal panic parade– complete with lively emotions, colorful thoughts, and sizzling sensations–there is one key element that gets the party started.
No, it’s not just stress. It isn’t your personality type. It’s not solely your past memories or the way your mother raised you or your particular physical challenges.
It is simply this: you are lacking in self-esteem.
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Okay, now did you automatically start with the “But I am perfectly confident! I am totally competent! I feel just fine about myself!” rebuttal? Ah, good. Watch that.
We just hate it when someone suggests we might not have rock-solid self-esteem, and yet we are pros when it comes to bashing ourselves. Aren’t we funny?
We’d rather believe that our anxiety is due to biological factors so we can take a pill to deal with it. But masking panic is not the same as managing panic. If you want to transcend your anxiety, you’ve got to get to the bottom of it.
The truth is that we only panic about things we don’t feel confident handling.
If we don’t handle a particular situation well, we dread the next time we must face it. We doubt that we will ever handle it skillfully even if we have done so in the past. We worry about it–and then worry about worrying! Fearful avoidance becomes our new way of responding.
Before we know it, we’re stuck in panic purgatory.
Insert mindfulness here. Don’t ask for anxiety–ask your anxiety. Focus on the first thought you have when that panic starts bubbling up and gently ask, “Why? Watch…then ask again. Play through several why cycles and learn.
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Panic is simply misguided attention. We must learn to watch the ROOT (some element requiring greater self- esteem) instead of the RESULT (all-night panic party) of our anxiety.
Ask your anxiety and listen carefully. Use mindfulness to help you redirect your attention, and you will learn to disconnect that panic button for good.
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About The Author Maya Talisman Frost is a mind masseuse in Portland, Oregon. Through her company, Real-World Mindfulness Training, she teaches eyes-wide-open ways to get calm, clear and creative. To subscribe to her free weekly ezine, the Friday Mind Massage, please visit http://www.MassageYourMind.com Do you think this excerpt is resourceful enough to meet the desires of all people? Many of the persons were contented by this write-up. To some, unproductive! You can analyze the material in the best possible method. Be ready to finish and absorb the perception of this report. |
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Thu 12 Apr 2007
speed reading update is right at your way. This report will give you a clairvoyance to education.
-The L.E.A.D.E.R. WayINTRODUCTION
In June 1997,the Prime Minister of Singapore unveiled the Government s vision of Thinking Schools, Learning Nation (TSLN). This vision was forged to improve Singapore s education system in the light of the rapid changes around the world. The Government foresees that Singapore, with its limited natural resources, can only continue to progress by nurturing a knowledgeable workforce that is adaptable to the changes in the world economy. More importantly, the Government realized that it had to start preparing the nation for these inevitable changes by revamping the education system in accordance with the vision of TSLN.
The Ministry of Education (MOE) in Singapore, the state agency responsible for the undertaking of this vision, states the goals of TSLN as follows:
Thinking Schools ensure that we equip students with skills and knowledge and values and instincts to face future challenges, while Learning Nation aims to promote a culture of continual learning beyond the school environment. (MOE, 1998,p.16)
In order to realize the vision, the MOE has introduced changes to the curriculum, the training of teachers, assessment modes and the development of resource packages. Furthermore, all schools will have students spending at least 30% of their curriculum time accessing electronic resources and working on computers. (MOE, 1998,p.17) The changes in the curriculum include the infusion of thinking skills and the reduction in the contents of the curriculum. Schools are strongly encouraged to set up their own thinking programs and teachers are to enroll in courses to learn how to infuse thinking skills in their teaching.
With the restructuring taking place to realize the vision, most teachers fear that the changes will burden them by increasing their already-heavy workload and tight time schedule due to increased training hours. The principal, being the main disseminator of the MOE s mission of TSLN in the school, has the unenviable task to articulate this vision to overcome the resistance to the changes especially from the school s teachers.
The main objective of the paper is to explore the perceptions of teachers as to the effectiveness of principals in leading a change programs (in this case, a Thinking Programs). Since teachers are directly responsible for the learning outcomes of the students, their perceptions of their principals effectiveness and concomitant actions are vital to the success of the vision of TSLN. As part of the paper, a case study of a primary school, which has embarked on a Thinking Programs, has been carried out.
REVIEW OF LITERATURE
In the hope of improving the existing system, schools face many problems when introducing well-meaning changes. Restructuring would, inevitably, involve people within the organisation to absorb new ideas and ideals that usually result in many uncertainties (Heckman, 1990). A school s principal, thus, has the uphill task to manage the level of resistance to change and align the staff to work towards a common vision, amidst the turbulence.
To reiterate, the author is focussing on teachers perceptions of their principal in leading change, more specifically, the process of creating a Thinking Programme for the school. The importance of teachers perception of their leaders in the success of a school has been documented in various researches. Researchers (such as Bhella, 1992) suggested that teachers morale is related to student achievement. And, in turn, the principal has the strongest influence on teachers satisfaction in the workplace. (Vanderstoepe et al, 1994) From that perspective, the teachers satisfaction and perceptions of the principal in leading the change process would directly have an impact on the success rate of the new programme of boosting students achievement.
In the process of writing, the author discussed with many teachers on what they expect their leaders to do when introducing a new programs to their schools. The author has summarized the teachers opinions for inclusion in this paper. Previous research and literature would be used to illuminate the factors that are critical to the success of a principal in leading a change programs. To further enhance clarity of exposition, I have presented systematically the ideas encapsulated in previous research by using the acronym of L.E.A.D.E.R as a model to elucidate the steps in leading a successful change programs in a school. The acronym of L.E.A.D.E.R stands for:
Leading by example
Empowering vision
Adaptive change
Developing people
Evaluating the system
Recharge
The above model does not try to be prescriptive or attempt to imply that it will cover all the salient factors of an effective change programme. Due to the prescribed length of the paper, the author hopes that the model will shed more light in the topic of research in a more methodical manner.
Leading by Example
In most organisations that have embarked on a change programme, one of the more common complaints by the employees is that the leader does not walk the talk . In a school, if a principal is not willing to learn and adapt to changes, there are no compelling reasons for the staff to do so. The Scout s motto, Lead by Example , is a major criteria of what a principal must do to succeed in leading change.
In order to create a thinking and learning organisation, principal will become researchers and designers rather than controllers and overseers. They should also be a model of learning to the rest of the organisation and encourage the staff to be life-long learners. (Senge, 1990) More importantly, a principal must not merely communicate in words, but by deeds to convince the staff that the change is happening at all levels. These build a sense of esprit de corp in the school that will help in lessening the pressures that change brings to organisations.
In short, a principal has to be perceived to be capable in leading school educational development by his or her own example. (Dunning, 1993; McHugh & McMullan, 1995) Unless the staffs are convinced, they will not work co-operatively towards the success of the change programme.
Empowering Vision
A change programme requires a change of vision. According to Kotter (1995, p.10),
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A vision says something that clarifies the direction in which an organisation needs to move.The Ministry of Education developed the vision of TSLN in the middle of 1997. In the schools, banners are put up to herald the vision of TSLN and school principals were expected to align the teachers towards this shared vision for the betterment of the schools. The principals are expected to modify culture through skill in communication of the necessary shared values for a changed vision. (Campbell-Evans, 1993).
Adaptive Change
In most organisations change programme, the appropriate pace of change is often ignored. Most leaders are impatient to see results and thus apply unwarranted pressures on those involved in the process .In Singapore schools; such a situation is a commonplace. With the MOE s intention of creating a world-class educational system in Singapore, many new initiatives are introduced within a short period of time. Most of the initiatives will require much time and effort of the teachers, on top of their already-heavy load. Such a situation often causes distress and the principal has to address the issues.
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A good leader, therefore, must be capable of regulating the distress by sequencing and pacing the work required of the change process. Unfortunately, this is not the case in most change programme. Most leaders start new initiatives without stopping other activities or they start too many initiatives at the same time. They overwhelm and disorient the very people who need to take responsibility for the work. (Heifetz & Laurie, 1997,p.180)Developing People
The people who are directly involved in a change programme have to be suitably trained to meet the challenges. A good principal would ensure that the staff s potential is developed for many reasons. Firstly, if the staffs are not trained well to undertake the new responsibilities of the initiative, the programme will not be a success. Secondly, a principal who develops and empowers the staff in the concerned change programme will be more able to convince them to commit to it. By doing so, a principal can demonstrate leadership by sharing leadership with the staff in the school. Through empowering others, the principal can also elevate his/her status and power. (Blas , 1987)
A principal can also develop the staff potential by opening up channels of communication within the school. Setting up committees and encouraging peer learning could do this. External agencies with expertise in the areas of change can also be consulted to help smoothen the process of change.
A principal who is a people developer would benefit as solutions to adaptive challenges reside not in the executive suite but in the collective intelligence of employees at all levels. (Heifetz & Laurie, 1997,p.173) Thus, by doing so, the principal would have increased the level of success of the new initiative and also the hearts of his/her followers.
Evaluating the System
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The principal must constantly monitor the process of a new school initiative. The initial enthusiasm that has been built up the principal may wane due to the lack of a good evaluation system .An effective evaluation system would allow the principal to see the flaws and to refine the programme due to changing circumstances. A good evaluation system for a thinking programme would consist of classroom observations on the teaching of the thinking tools and feedback from those who are involved in the change process. This includes the teachers, pupils and their parents. This is important as constant feedback allows the principal to refine the programme due to changing circumstances. (Hargreaves, 1995)To further enhance the evaluative aspect of the programme, the principal could brainstorm with the staff on the criteria of what are considered to be desired outcomes of the new initiatives. To be more specific, an effective change leader would spell out what are the short and long-term desired results of the programme and base the evaluations on such targets. The evaluative process must be realistic and fair by including appropriate time frames for achieving them. This would calm down the fears of the teachers and to ensure that they would not resort to cosmetic measures in the process of change.
A principal must also be self-reflective and be able to take criticism if the programme is not moving according to plan. He or she must rely on the teachers who are directly involved with the pupils to give honest feedback. Though, this may raise questions of the credibility of the principal s initial plans, a good head would allow the subordinates to point them for further improvements to a new initiative. This is especially so if the head is seeking to create a thinking and learning organisation.
Recharge
An effective evaluation system would also be used to ensure the continuing momentum of a change programme. Most change programmes may start out enthusiastically but they usually lose steam at the end. The ability to maintain the initial enthusiasm and commitment to the vision is, thus, an important criterion of an effective principal. He or she must be able to recharge the interest of the teachers by constantly reminding them and encouraging them to achieve desired outcomes. In a thinking programme, a principal could hold monthly meetings to talk about the progress and to share success stories of the programme to maintain the interest of the teachers. If the interest and enthusiasm of the staff to the initiatives can be maintained throughout, more change programmes will be successful in schools.
CONCLUSION
During the process of writing this paper, the author felt that certain issues should be addressed. One of the main problems seems to lie in the pacing of new initiatives introduced by the Ministry of Education. Due to this, a principal is stretched for time and effort in juggling with the new initiatives. This, as shown in the case study, usually leads to other good school programmes going through a roller-coaster ride of enthusiasm. The principal would then resort to cosmetic efforts to convince the parents, visitors and the Ministry that a programme is in place as in this case study. The author hopes that this is just an isolated case but feels the Ministry should really look into the issue of whether principals are overloaded with the projects in progress before launching into another initiative.
Another issue connected to the above is the need to improve the evaluation and appraisal methods of the principals by the Ministry. At present, the evaluation tends to be inaccurate, as the Ministry does not really know the inner workings of the school. There should be a 360 degrees Feedback Survey whereby the staff (especially the teachers); pupils and parents are to evaluate the effectiveness of the principal in leading a programme. It may be considered time-consuming but it will ensure that principals do not adopt cosmetic measures to hide weaknesses of any new programmes. This also allows schools to be opened to ideas and suggestions for further refinements of the programme. In this way, the Ministry will have a more accurate picture whether the initiatives that had been introduced are articulated in a proper manner.
The author reiterates that the success of leading a change programme in schools is largely dependent on the principal s ability to influence the perceptions of the teachers. Trust, thus, is an important ingredient that has to be built up by the principal, as the principal-teachers relationship will have an impact on other future initiatives. The paper has also included a self-evaluation questionnaire (Appendix 3) for principals who are in the process of leading a change programme in their schools. In closing, the author wants to emphasise that in order to reap the full benefits, a change programme should be nurtured and not enforced.
About The Author
Dr.Alvin Chan is an Innovation Research Specialist in Asia. He has consulted for and aid in the development of managerial innovations and effective learning methodologies in several organizations.
Please email to Dr. Chan at alvinchan@firstquatermain.com as a courtesy if you are reprinting the article online or in print.
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